Beginning of a short story i'm writing, thoughts? :)
The frost filled the air as every Breath Erin took was magnified in a gust of what looked like smoke. She walked a long and winding road that was surrounded by the woods.
She was numb. Not from the cold but from what she was trying to forget, to ignore. The voices ran through her head, the vivid images that made her feel sick, she could still feel the pain that slowly enclosed around her and tightened at her lungs. She began to feel her eyes swell and without a warning, tears started flowing. She wanted to stop. She didn’t want to feel this way. But the sobbing got harder until it was near a scream. She clutched her arms around her stomach trying to encourage her organs to stay intact, to not fall apart.
Now, she felt herself get weak, she knew she couldn’t hold herself up much longer but refused to be torn down by this poison that was travelling through her veins, corrupting every vital part of her. But she couldn’t fight it any longer, her knees crippled with the weight of her body and she fell to the ground.
As the darkness corrupted her mind and took over her soul, she now lay on the cemented road, motionless, as she tried to find any glimpse of hope, of salvation. She never knew the limits she would go to, to find herself again. But it wouldn’t matter. She was too lost and tangled in this darkness that took hold of her that she’d never get all the pieces together again. She was broken.
She closed her eyes and felt herself drift away and get lost in ideologies of what could have been. Her face lying on this cold cemented ground, covered in a layer of stones that didn't seem to bother her. She ignored it like every other pain she had felt in the last few months. Instead, she drew a small but noticeable smile across her translucent face, which has a fair complexion that grows with a hint of pink. She was smiling because the world she was dreaming of didn’t consist of pain, of fear, or even hatred. It was peaceful. She was seeing a lucid image of a garden that consisted of various types of flowers with such intoxicating different colours and how, in all their differences, they went in harmony with one another.
Hope. Such a wonderful thing to have with you but such a painful thing to lose.
It wasn't too long ago that I felt that pain and felt it for a long while. It's not a nice way to be nor is the darkness in any way a pleasant place to be at. So many things around me just seemed to be collapsing around me and crumbling right in front of me. So, I grew numb and emotionless. I became the darkness.
They say darkness doesn't have a name, but mine did, and it was my own name.
I turned away from all that cared, all that were there shedding some light in, I didn't want it nor felt like I needed it. I never had a problem of being alone, actually, I quite like being by myself. So I cut everyone and everything off and lived in my own dark hole in which I was lost and unable to see or feel any 'hope'.
But then, after time, I learned to turn the darkness into something useful-art and music. And I found hope again. Although if i'm quite honest, even though i'm on way out of the dark, I still can't seem to shake off the numbness and find it extremely hard to let myself open to anyone. Until I found someone who I could turn to. Who I could relate to. Who in time, shook the scariness of it all away.
I realize you don't need to be able to open up to everyone as long as you have one. As long as your not alone in that darkness.
17years,Music,Art,Awkward,Weird! That's pretty much me, exciting right?
Music is one of my favourite escape routes from the crazy reality that surrounds us these days. It basically pulls me right out and on to a whole other world. I'm a very closed off person and well, find it difficult to let people in or to do the whole mushy lovey conversations that most people have and do. No, I decided to be odd and blocked myself off from that and somehow can't find my way back, but music helps me through that, it expresses what I can't. And I don't possibly think I would be able to function without it.
I don't want to be someone that just 'fits in' with everyone else, because I don't think i'd like to be that person. Society today has become very commercialized and where I live anyway, its all about gossip and who did this and who did that and you should be like this and you should be doing that. For teenagers, it's a lot of pressure. But I'd rather be known as the 'unusual' one than have to be just another boring story that passes ear from ear.
I write my own music and I love to draw and reading! Although i'm very conservative with what I write and draw. Little or none get to see them. I'm not sure why I'm like that, insecurities I guess?
I'm not sure in what direction I was suppose to take this blog, but its my first time so give me a chance! :)
Its nearly 2am now and I need sleep! so i guess i'm signing off on my first ever blog! I apologize for how boring this was, but I promise I'll work on it!